January Songs

by Darren Hayman

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1.
It Was Over 02:36
I was drunk, I was low How was I supposed to know, it was over, it was over I was loose kinda blue Shocked that everyone else knew it was over, it was over She was big around the hips licking pickle from her lips but she looked good with extra weight around her sides It seemed just the same as yesterday inside it was over, it was over She left a blood red sweater in my drawer She left her key ring on the keys to my door I never took a photograph of her walking boobs lying on the floor She was blunt, she was kind She just said, what's on her mind it was over, it was over I used to watch her every night, picking fluff from her heights it was over, it was over
2.
The light beam hold you in space A perfect electrical force Whisper the words through the gauze transmitting your intimate thoughts Stare at the valves as they glow Turn all the dials so you know Oscillate at your frequency Tune your antenna to me This bad technology it breaks promises these faulty wires and nodes they let us down, they let go Wrap the flux round your heart sound the alarms when it's dark the lasers will slice down the trees, the sine waves pull you to your knees
3.
I know you don't care – about all the faces there We can say the time passed us by. It slipped our mind We'll go some other time Put your marking down Smooth your furrowed brow We need the T.V., the dog and the wine and time, time, time We're staying in We're lying low We can hear then laughing outside our window We're staying in, and no one knows the fun we'll have all on our own Rest your legs on me Let me hold your feet Our favourite film will end Let's rewing and watch again We're staying in We're lying low We can hear then laughing outside our window We're staying in, and no one knows the fun we'll have all on our own
4.
Irish, Whiskey on a little Scottish boat to an island We've got torches, violins and stout walking shoes We walk headlong into the high winds that spin around the turbines We climb, clifftops, we get stuck, we get stuck, we get lost and Hold on, tight grip, I will try to lift you to the summit and Knee deep in something, the sun is low over the mountain Campfires on beaches, rusted up cars in the ditches and no-ones going home tonight I found milk floats hiding in the forest A small hardwood two bed's pushes close together
5.
You can stretch time if you want to You can just drift back down again Ice on the roadside a bite to the wind Stretch out the night don't let the day in You can hold the clock back Hit hard on the hour hand Lift up the bed sheets Cover your eyes Tease out the seconds Slow down your heart beat Pull in your cold feet Make yourself small
6.
I took your hand by the Ferriswheel We walked a while, and rode the trams until We got tired and maybe slept a while I get confused and wound up inside I can't see for looking I can't grasp the detail I can't figure the language I can't hear the words All the cake shops, all the pretty ceilings and the roads spin around the city All the names, dissolve away I wish I could remember, but it got away I am tumbling down Holding on to strangers I can't see for looking I can't grasp the detail
7.
You always wanted to live by the water You always dreamed of Miami You're awake at 4 in the morning It's no longer funny All the pain that you hide On Esplanade drive Baby give me one more try The cheats and the lies On Esplanade drive I will give you one more try You always wanted to live by the water Now you've got your feet wet Bury your head, little princess You can forget.
8.
He started writing things down He placed all his tools in a row He wrote down things he repelled People and friends he let go All the long life batteries give in overtime All the blinking pulsars and dwarfs stars align The eggshell blue on the door frame Was old and started to flake He sanded it back to the wood He smooth all the roughness away
9.
I was flapping like a flipper in a pinball machine I spinning was like a dog with a Frisbee I can't control myself I was careering side to side like a drunk in a dingily I was thinking like a baby on sugar I can't control myself and I can't get the words out of my head I understand the subtext of what she said I had blood on my hands like a clumsy butcher I stuttered like a bad piece of vinyl I can't control myself I was spinning my arms like a chopper blades I was rolling down the hill like a cheese I can't control myself I was shaking like a wrong accused with a gallons or a teacher of the first day of term or a fish on a net, on the deck of a boat
10.
I went through your cupboards and drawers, threw your clothes on the floor I know I fucked up I tore pages out of your books I wrote words where I knew you would look I know I fucked up And all this rain, love Don't wash away, shit and all the days go The waiting's not worth it You know I love you But you got me so mad You were the best friend I almost had Plastic's so easy to break, It snaps cleanly in two I know I fucked up You know you did too Look what you made me do, You made me think that I lost you I know I fucked up
11.
I can see through my dirty window The bindweed around the trellis I can see through my dirty window The bike and the rust Sarah moved here in 97' She couldn't go to bed without a drink She couldn't lie, but she could think With her forehead on my dirty window Whenever she came She never bought wine The better she looked each time Whenever she left She took all my best intentions and turned around I can see through my dirty window a garden the size of a shed We would take chairs on the rubble, the mud and sort of be in love Whenever she came She never bought wine The better she looked each time Whenever she left She took all my best intentions and turned around You can't tell her anything
12.
My Bedroom 02:37
Waking up with a master plan Going to steal Elsa back from her man I know what time she walked past my house Going to lean out the window and shout Why does she take her time Elsa won't come to my bedroom Oh why must she wear spotted tights If she won't come to my bedroom I read the books that she leant me I memorized a short précis Elsa had a scar on her knee She cut it on the corner of her T.V. Why does she take her time Elsa won't come to my bedroom Oh why must she wear t-bar shoes If she won't come to my bedroom Why does she take her time Elsa won't come to my bedroom Oh why must she wear cut-off jeans If she won't come to my bedroom
13.
It was all about the tolerance, It was all about the trust It was all about her lips, It was all about the lust She knew that I knew that men knew that she knew that they look We drove to Barcelona on the road along the coast The sun got in my eyes, we careered side to side and now all I hear is the knocking of her heels on my casket If you see my dirty widow Tell her it's ok Tell her I don't mind There's just one dress I want her to throw out, with all of my clothes A dark green wrap around number which stops at the knee If you see my dirty widow Tell her it's ok Tell her I don't mind I'll be waiting here and wishing her well
14.
From Hartlepool to Seaton Crew We played Goats Wead Soup all the way through We mumbled words we thought we knew and then we played black and blue The A1 never seems to end I get petrol money from my friends We squeeze the breaks around the bend close our eyes and we pretend Let me try Who hung the monkey, who hung the monkey I hung the monkey, you know I'm not proud From Hampstead Heath to shooters Hill The roads link up the trees and fields We prefer to ditch the wheels and wear down our heels Let me try Who hung the monkey, who hung the monkey I hung the monkey, you know I'm not proud
15.
Congratulations on your excellence Your patience, your eye, your detail Here's a token, some small trinket A reward and gift for your time Britain's in Bloom all around you Britain's in Bloom I want to hole you why it's here I want to snatch a fleeting moment, press pause a little while Before you know it, this will pass you by Perfect petals, pollinating flora You know it only last a little while Before it's dust and turd along the roadside Spark the heart and raise a smile, dry your tear
16.
I can't film the lights The raindrops, the lens flare, the contrast ain't right I can't capture the birds The wind, the clatter and the ambient noise I can't grasp the reasons I can't gain a purchase or grip I can't fed the pin prick or the wetness of your lips My heart cannot tell all the good words from the bad Let me sleep My eyes cannot see what lies in front of me Let me sleep Rain like arrows and spears No presence of mind to pull you near Shelter you under my duffel coat Hook your head under my chin The foxes that screech, serenade me Let me sleep My eyelids must give in to the sweet gravity Let me sleep
17.
Where have you been, Arthur you mutt, you pooch, you hound Where have you been, Arthur don't you know where your home is now You poor stupid loon, did you bark at the moon Did you nest in a bed of leaves You frightened us bad We were scared of the roads and the cold and the spiteful dog thieves All the landlords and the drunkards, and walkers and runners from Pilton to Glastonbury Tor Searched car packs and meadows and cranny's and shadows did you know you were pired for Where have you been, Arthur, my love, my friend, my one Where have you been Arthur, cruising a roads for fun The wind at the door, the slam at the gate The creaking of the trees The rain on the roof, the chill in our bones The worrying of what might be All the farmers and teachers and wardens were reaching out over hills and beyond but you slip your dog lead to dog shit alley you must know you did something wrong
18.
The Return 04:09
Hugh was cocooned inside his Lexus IS200. His back was straight, his hands were at ten to two. This was the correct driving position. He was air conditioned. He was going home. The A1(M) turned into the A14 which turned into the M11. He knew every junction. If traffic remained smooth he would be home by eight O’clock. Enough time for conversation, maybe a takeaway, something else. Hugh believed that absence made the heart grow fonder, that the joy of returning to Fiona was worth the loneliness of Hotel rooms. After a week away she felt new to him and the sex was always good. Hugh was smart enough to not buy garage flowers. He finished work in time to make the florists. Roses were obvious, he bought tulips. He imagined what she might look like he as she opened the door to him. She always looked good, even in jeans and t-shirts. He looked forward to their first kiss. He would put his hand into the small of her back, pull her to him just a little. He rehearsed it, in his mind. She would smell of Almond Milk Body Lotion. She always did. He liked the sound of the rain underneath his tyres. It made him feel, dryer, warmer, safer. The M11 scooped round onto the North Circular. There would be one roundabout, one left hand turn and one right hand turn before he reached their house. He parked the car. He was beside himself. He was a teenager on a first date. He rang the door bell, Fiona answered. She was wearing jeans and a t-shirt. “Have you lost your keys?” she asked. “I bought you flowers,” he said. “I tried to phone you three times. Is your phone switched off?” Hugh knew this feeling, it was familiar and unwelcome. “Sorry,” he said. He moved into kiss her. She gave him her cheek. She smelt faintly of chemicals. “I made dinner,” she said. “I couldn’t wait any longer.” He followed Fiona into the kitchen. On the table was a plate with a piece of pie crust and some gravy. Fiona sat down to finish her meal. “Yours in the oven,” she said. Fiona speared the pie crust with her fork. She tried to scoop the remaining gravy onto her fork with the knife. She kept scooping the gravy up with the knife, banging it against the porcelain. Clink, clink, clink.
19.
I bet she'll be there tonight I bet she'll be looking more than allright I bet she'll be dead polite If I go out I'll get scared If I stay in it's just worse I might punch the walls until my fingers hurt It's no different for girls It's no different for girls They say the drink does help, but it does They don't know how it feels without her love Sometimes I know I talk too much They don't know how it feels without her love I want to get messy with my friends I want these crowded noisy nights to never end I want to meet a perfect stranger and crawl under the table Make a pact that we will both forget
20.
I want to be a volunteer I want to go where I want to go I want to sand the flakey paint away I want the wood stripped back to the grain I want a simple task to do, I wish I was a tender hearted fool, I want to make something broken fixed I want to make the day worth it We can put it back together Hold the rust, replace the glass We can put it back together Stop the water getting in I want to be a volunteer I want to be tired and rewarded I want to be a hard and gentle man I want to be a have useful working hands We can put it back together Hold the rust, replace the glass We can put it back together Stop the water getting in Hold that end, hold it steady I'll try to saw in a straight line Hammer down and fill the cracks What was taken can be put back
21.
Don't want to hear a whisper Don't want to hear a word Just wanna hear the pages turn We came here to learn I want to run my finger, softly down the spines They're broken but I don't mind the books work fine There's a billion vibrations crowding round my head I know you spoke, I didn't hear what you said All this colour, all this noise The confusion we call choice I want to sit down and just avoid every single voice and all of the books We know we'll never read Are ordered alphabetically In case there what we need
22.
Baby be good to me When I'm stumbling take the lead When I'm drunk won't you drive me Baby be good to me Baby please be kind Let me unravel, let me unwind I know you've things on your mind Baby please be kind All along the b-roads, by the ditches and the hedge row We watched the cats eyes glow and we wished that we we're home We weren't supposed to know, but we learnt even though The brightness in our eyes can be turned down low Baby be good to me Take my hand when I'm unsteady I'm waiting here when you're ready Baby be good to me
23.
She was a bad bad bad girl all the leaflets they would read the thing he couldn't conceive She was a bad bad bad girl It was a cruel, cruel, cruel thing In all the waiting rooms, they would stare at rows of plastic chairs It was a cruel, cruel, cruel thing He was a big strong gentle man He loved her most days in a tender and brutish way He was a big strong gentle man She was a bad bad bad girl They thing she wanted, she got But something was lost She was a bad bad bad girl
24.
The superficial injuries, only lose you slay It's just a little scratch, a graize, a split up Heave yourself, strong shoulder, brave heart I've seen you worse this I've watched you come upon and turn around, sweet heart Every small breath is one more reason to drag yourself up Every little peppercorn on your tongue makes you sure. Now, Every little muscle you can stretch, stretch tighter I know we said tomorrow night but what about now All the tiny blood vessels that bust will reseal All the antenna along the coastline are tuned in and all the lights in our periphery field seem real
25.
I said never coming back around here The trees remind me all the time The hornbean and the oaks The train of steel that cuts right through The howl of animal ghost We said never going to frighten the deer The wind that makes us huddle down and foxes curled around Sings a tune that makes us blue the skylarks know it too We said what if we forget Let's keep our leashes short and tight Make sure we're side by side I love the sound you're making now Let's say something pretty out loud
26.
There's all kinds of pressure and all kinds of weather I know you've had it tough and I know the waves are rough Rest a little while by the shore make an inventory of what is yours I know your can keep a kitchen clean But did you think the grass would stayed green Did a little deeper, push a little harder Let out the sides, find a little room Try and find test the limit, don't force it till it breaks and use all the heart that it takes I know you feel abandoned, I know you feel marooned I've checked the flights, I'm coming out real soon There's nobody to call you baby Baby I can call you baby or anything you want or anything you deserve
27.
I know what I did was wrong I can tell from your shelves your smarter than You knew all along I know what I did was wrong I can keep a secret I'm sure, I'm sure, I'm sure The things that I lack, I'll make them correct I'll turn the world to make them yours Do you think I'm the same don't you think I can change I'm sure, I'm sure, I'm sure
28.
He was short, he was mean He was better dressed than me He had once been an expert on T.V. I thought I saw her eyes sort of get distracted but she looked back at me I won the girl He had hair, kind of styled but sort of kind of unstyled somewhere in between, you see I left it a week to see what would be but the phone kept ringing for me I won the girl I bided my time well I bided my time
29.
My minature band, my diminutive combo, We tour the eastern bedrooms We rock the scratched up hatch backs My minature band, we want to make you tingle Set fire to bonsai trees, with .9V batteries This is how we show you How much we are in love a little stoke, the lightest touch This is how we show you when we've loved enough We just talk and wait for luck My minature band, will slip in your breast pocket quicken your lazy heart beat when it pumps a little slow
30.
We're tired of pedaling slow We're tired of what we know We're tired of feeling slow and the tyranny of phones We're tired of the voices saying all you need is choice We're tired of having to choose We want to give up and lose We're tired of getting dicked around Burst open the shutters Breath in the winter air Make believe for a moment Pretend that you don't care Then dig in your nails Make small indentations Cling too hard Cling too hard We're tired of getting dicked around
31.
My dream train, contains my dream friends, baby, My dreams end, and then I'm next to you My high hopes, can be put aside, you know My dream ride, has a double seat for me and you, That'll do, that'll do, I think we've worked hard enough We'll take a whole week off, that'll do My idea was to buy a ticket somewhere Where the footpaths are properly signed and the ordnance maps are free We're too tired to know what to do We're getting a little bit confused, that'll do

about

My name is Darren Hayman. During January 2011 I wrote and recorded and released a video for every day of the month. I also kept a video diary and made a video for each song. Collaborators included The Wave Pictures, Allo Darlin, Terry Edwards and many more.

All the songs are available here for £15. This will also allow you access to 17 hidden extra tracks of demos and voice notes.

There are plans to make a deluxe physical release at some point too.

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released January 1, 2011

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Darren Hayman England, UK

This is the official Bandcamp page for songwriter Darren Hayman, the Indie band Hefner, The French and other side projects.

This bandcamp page was compiled by Audio Antihero - audioantihero.bandcamp.com

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