January Songs

by Darren Hayman

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My name is Darren Hayman. During January 2011 I wrote and recorded and released a video for every day of the month. I also kept a video diary and made a video for each song. Collaborators included The Wave Pictures, Allo Darlin, Terry Edwards and many more.

All the songs are available here for £15. This will also allow you access to 17 hidden extra tracks of demos and voice notes.

There are plans to make a deluxe physical release at some point too.


released January 1, 2011


all rights reserved



Darren Hayman Walthamstow, UK

This is the official Bandcamp page for songwriter Darren Hayman, the Indie band Hefner, The French and other side projects.

This bandcamp page was compiled by Audio Antihero - www.audioantihero.bandcamp.com



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Track Name: It Was Over
I was drunk, I was low
How was I supposed to know,
it was over, it was over

I was loose kinda blue
Shocked that everyone else knew
it was over, it was over

She was big around the hips
licking pickle from her lips
but she looked good with extra weight around her sides
It seemed just the same as yesterday inside
it was over, it was over

She left a blood red sweater in my drawer
She left her key ring on the keys to my door
I never took a photograph of her walking boobs
lying on the floor

She was blunt, she was kind
She just said, what's on her mind
it was over, it was over

I used to watch her every night, picking fluff from her heights
it was over, it was over
Track Name: Bad Technology
The light beam hold you in space
A perfect electrical force
Whisper the words through the gauze
transmitting your intimate thoughts
Stare at the valves as they glow
Turn all the dials so you know
Oscillate at your frequency
Tune your antenna to me

This bad technology
it breaks promises
these faulty wires and nodes
they let us down, they let go

Wrap the flux round your heart
sound the alarms when it's dark
the lasers will slice down the trees,
the sine waves pull you to your knees
Track Name: We're Staying In
I know you don't care –
about all the faces there
We can say the time passed us by.
It slipped our mind
We'll go some other time

Put your marking down
Smooth your furrowed brow
We need the T.V., the dog and the wine
and time, time, time

We're staying in
We're lying low
We can hear then laughing outside our window
We're staying in, and no one knows the fun we'll have all on our own

Rest your legs on me
Let me hold your feet
Our favourite film will end
Let's rewing and watch again

We're staying in
We're lying low
We can hear then laughing outside our window
We're staying in, and no one knows the fun we'll have all on our own
Track Name: Isle of Eigg (sung by Gorgon McIntyre)
Irish, Whiskey on a little Scottish boat to an island
We've got torches, violins and stout walking shoes
We walk headlong into the high winds that spin around the turbines
We climb, clifftops, we get stuck, we get stuck, we get lost and

Hold on, tight grip, I will try to lift you to the summit and
Knee deep in something, the sun is low over the mountain
Campfires on beaches, rusted up cars in the ditches
and no-ones going home tonight

I found milk floats hiding in the forest
A small hardwood two bed's pushes close together
Track Name: Hold Back the Clock
You can stretch time if you want to
You can just drift back down again
Ice on the roadside a bite to the wind
Stretch out the night don't let the day in

You can hold the clock back
Hit hard on the hour hand
Lift up the bed sheets
Cover your eyes
Tease out the seconds
Slow down your heart beat
Pull in your cold feet
Make yourself small
Track Name: Nothing At All
I took your hand by the Ferriswheel
We walked a while, and rode the trams until
We got tired and maybe slept a while
I get confused and wound up inside

I can't see for looking
I can't grasp the detail
I can't figure the language
I can't hear the words

All the cake shops, all the pretty ceilings
and the roads spin around the city
All the names, dissolve away
I wish I could remember, but it got away

I am tumbling down
Holding on to strangers
I can't see for looking
I can't grasp the detail
Track Name: Esplanade Drive
You always wanted to live by the water
You always dreamed of Miami
You're awake at 4 in the morning
It's no longer funny

All the pain that you hide
On Esplanade drive
Baby give me one more try
The cheats and the lies
On Esplanade drive
I will give you one more try

You always wanted to live by the water
Now you've got your feet wet
Bury your head, little princess
You can forget.
Track Name: Old Man Hands (with Terry Edwards)
He started writing things down
He placed all his tools in a row
He wrote down things he repelled
People and friends he let go

All the long life batteries give in overtime
All the blinking pulsars and dwarfs stars align

The eggshell blue on the door frame
Was old and started to flake
He sanded it back to the wood
He smooth all the roughness away
Track Name: I Can't Control Myself (produced by DJ Downfall)
I was flapping like a flipper in a pinball machine
I spinning was like a dog with a Frisbee
I can't control myself
I was careering side to side like a drunk in a dingily
I was thinking like a baby on sugar
I can't control myself

and I can't get the words out of my head
I understand the subtext of what she said

I had blood on my hands like a clumsy butcher
I stuttered like a bad piece of vinyl
I can't control myself
I was spinning my arms like a chopper blades
I was rolling down the hill like a cheese
I can't control myself

I was shaking like a wrong accused with a gallons
or a teacher of the first day of term
or a fish on a net, on the deck of a boat
Track Name: I Know I Fucked Up (with Elizabeth Morris)
I went through your cupboards and drawers,
threw your clothes on the floor
I know I fucked up

I tore pages out of your books
I wrote words where I knew you would look
I know I fucked up

And all this rain, love
Don't wash away, shit
and all the days go
The waiting's not worth it

You know I love you
But you got me so mad
You were the best friend
I almost had

Plastic's so easy to break,
It snaps cleanly in two
I know I fucked up
You know you did too

Look what you made me do,
You made me think that I lost you
I know I fucked up
Track Name: You Can't Tell Her Anything (recorded live at Resonance FM)
I can see through my dirty window
The bindweed around the trellis
I can see through my dirty window
The bike and the rust

Sarah moved here in 97'
She couldn't go to bed without a drink
She couldn't lie, but she could think
With her forehead on my dirty window

Whenever she came
She never bought wine
The better she looked each time
Whenever she left
She took all my best intentions and turned around

I can see through my dirty window
a garden the size of a shed
We would take chairs on the rubble, the mud
and sort of be in love

Whenever she came
She never bought wine
The better she looked each time
Whenever she left
She took all my best intentions and turned around

You can't tell her anything
Track Name: My Bedroom
Waking up with a master plan
Going to steal Elsa back from her man
I know what time she walked past my house
Going to lean out the window and shout

Why does she take her time
Elsa won't come to my bedroom
Oh why must she wear spotted tights
If she won't come to my bedroom

I read the books that she leant me
I memorized a short précis
Elsa had a scar on her knee
She cut it on the corner of her T.V.

Why does she take her time
Elsa won't come to my bedroom
Oh why must she wear t-bar shoes
If she won't come to my bedroom

Why does she take her time
Elsa won't come to my bedroom
Oh why must she wear cut-off jeans
If she won't come to my bedroom
Track Name: My Dirty Widow
It was all about the tolerance, It was all about the trust
It was all about her lips, It was all about the lust
She knew that I knew that men knew that she knew that they look

We drove to Barcelona on the road along the coast
The sun got in my eyes, we careered side to side
and now all I hear is the knocking of her heels on my casket

If you see my dirty widow
Tell her it's ok
Tell her I don't mind

There's just one dress I want her to throw out, with all of my clothes
A dark green wrap around number which stops at the knee

If you see my dirty widow
Tell her it's ok
Tell her I don't mind
I'll be waiting here and wishing her well
Track Name: Who Hung The Monkey? (with The Wave Pictures)
From Hartlepool to Seaton Crew
We played Goats Wead Soup all the way through
We mumbled words we thought we knew
and then we played black and blue
The A1 never seems to end
I get petrol money from my friends
We squeeze the breaks around the bend
close our eyes and we pretend

Let me try

Who hung the monkey, who hung the monkey
I hung the monkey, you know I'm not proud

From Hampstead Heath to shooters Hill
The roads link up the trees and fields
We prefer to ditch the wheels and wear down our heels

Let me try

Who hung the monkey, who hung the monkey
I hung the monkey, you know I'm not proud
Track Name: Britain in Bloom (with Rotifer)
Congratulations on your excellence
Your patience, your eye, your detail
Here's a token, some small trinket
A reward and gift for your time

Britain's in Bloom all around you
Britain's in Bloom I want to hole you why it's here
I want to snatch a fleeting moment, press pause a little while
Before you know it, this will pass you by

Perfect petals, pollinating flora
You know it only last a little while
Before it's dust and turd along the roadside
Spark the heart and raise a smile, dry your tear
Track Name: Let Me Sleep (with Jack Hayter)
I can't film the lights
The raindrops, the lens flare, the contrast ain't right
I can't capture the birds
The wind, the clatter and the ambient noise
I can't grasp the reasons
I can't gain a purchase or grip
I can't fed the pin prick
or the wetness of your lips

My heart cannot tell all the good words from the bad
Let me sleep
My eyes cannot see what lies in front of me
Let me sleep

Rain like arrows and spears
No presence of mind to pull you near
Shelter you under my duffel coat
Hook your head under my chin

The foxes that screech, serenade me
Let me sleep
My eyelids must give in to the sweet gravity
Let me sleep
Track Name: Arthur the Dog
Where have you been, Arthur you mutt, you pooch, you hound
Where have you been, Arthur don't you know where your home is now
You poor stupid loon, did you bark at the moon
Did you nest in a bed of leaves
You frightened us bad
We were scared of the roads and the cold and the spiteful dog thieves

All the landlords and the drunkards, and walkers
and runners from Pilton to Glastonbury Tor
Searched car packs and meadows and cranny's and shadows
did you know you were pired for

Where have you been, Arthur, my love, my friend, my one
Where have you been Arthur, cruising a roads for fun

The wind at the door, the slam at the gate
The creaking of the trees
The rain on the roof, the chill in our bones
The worrying of what might be

All the farmers and teachers and wardens were
reaching out over hills and beyond
but you slip your dog lead to dog shit alley
you must know you did something wrong
Track Name: The Return
Hugh was cocooned inside his Lexus IS200. His back was straight, his hands were at ten to two. This was the correct driving position. He was air conditioned. He was going home.

The A1(M) turned into the A14 which turned into the M11. He knew every junction. If traffic remained smooth he would be home by eight O’clock. Enough time for conversation, maybe a takeaway, something else.

Hugh believed that absence made the heart grow fonder, that the joy of returning to Fiona was worth the loneliness of Hotel rooms. After a week away she felt new to him and the sex was always good.

Hugh was smart enough to not buy garage flowers. He finished work in time to make the florists. Roses were obvious, he bought tulips. He imagined what she might look like he as she opened the door to him. She always looked good, even in jeans and t-shirts. He looked forward to their first kiss. He would put his hand into the small of her back, pull her to him just a little.

He rehearsed it, in his mind. She would smell of Almond Milk Body Lotion. She always did.

He liked the sound of the rain underneath his tyres. It made him feel, dryer, warmer, safer. The M11 scooped round onto the North Circular. There would be one roundabout, one left hand turn and one right hand turn before he reached their house.

He parked the car. He was beside himself. He was a teenager on a first date.

He rang the door bell, Fiona answered. She was wearing jeans and a t-shirt.

“Have you lost your keys?” she asked.

“I bought you flowers,” he said.

“I tried to phone you three times. Is your phone switched off?”

Hugh knew this feeling, it was familiar and unwelcome.

“Sorry,” he said. He moved into kiss her. She gave him her cheek. She smelt faintly of chemicals.

“I made dinner,” she said. “I couldn’t wait any longer.”

He followed Fiona into the kitchen. On the table was a plate with a piece of pie crust and some gravy. Fiona sat down to finish her meal.

“Yours in the oven,” she said.

Fiona speared the pie crust with her fork. She tried to scoop the remaining gravy onto her fork with the knife. She kept scooping the gravy up with the knife, banging it against the porcelain. Clink, clink, clink.
Track Name: No Different For Girls (sung by Valentine Leys)
I bet she'll be there tonight
I bet she'll be looking more than allright
I bet she'll be dead polite

If I go out I'll get scared
If I stay in it's just worse
I might punch the walls until my fingers hurt

It's no different for girls
It's no different for girls
They say the drink does help, but it does
They don't know how it feels without her love
Sometimes I know I talk too much
They don't know how it feels without her love

I want to get messy with my friends
I want these crowded noisy nights to never end
I want to meet a perfect stranger and crawl under the table
Make a pact that we will both forget
Track Name: I Want To Be A Volunteer
I want to be a volunteer
I want to go where I want to go
I want to sand the flakey paint away
I want the wood stripped back to the grain
I want a simple task to do,
I wish I was a tender hearted fool,
I want to make something broken fixed
I want to make the day worth it

We can put it back together
Hold the rust, replace the glass
We can put it back together
Stop the water getting in

I want to be a volunteer
I want to be tired and rewarded
I want to be a hard and gentle man
I want to be a have useful working hands

We can put it back together
Hold the rust, replace the glass
We can put it back together
Stop the water getting in

Hold that end, hold it steady
I'll try to saw in a straight line
Hammer down and fill the cracks
What was taken can be put back
Track Name: Shh... (with Litoral)
Don't want to hear a whisper
Don't want to hear a word
Just wanna hear the pages turn
We came here to learn

I want to run my finger,
softly down the spines
They're broken but I don't mind
the books work fine

There's a billion vibrations crowding round my head
I know you spoke, I didn't hear what you said
All this colour, all this noise
The confusion we call choice
I want to sit down and just avoid every single voice

and all of the books
We know we'll never read
Are ordered alphabetically
In case there what we need
Track Name: Baby, Be Good To Me
Baby be good to me
When I'm stumbling take the lead
When I'm drunk won't you drive me
Baby be good to me

Baby please be kind
Let me unravel, let me unwind
I know you've things on your mind
Baby please be kind

All along the b-roads, by the ditches and the hedge row
We watched the cats eyes glow and we wished that we we're home
We weren't supposed to know, but we learnt even though
The brightness in our eyes can be turned down low

Baby be good to me
Take my hand when I'm unsteady
I'm waiting here when you're ready
Baby be good to me
Track Name: Bad, Bad, Bad, Bad Girl (with the Hillfields)
She was a bad bad bad girl
all the leaflets they would read
the thing he couldn't conceive
She was a bad bad bad girl

It was a cruel, cruel, cruel thing
In all the waiting rooms, they would stare
at rows of plastic chairs
It was a cruel, cruel, cruel thing

He was a big strong gentle man
He loved her most days
in a tender and brutish way
He was a big strong gentle man

She was a bad bad bad girl
They thing she wanted, she got
But something was lost
She was a bad bad bad girl
Track Name: Ventriloquism (with Ghostwriter)
The superficial injuries, only lose you slay
It's just a little scratch, a graize, a split up
Heave yourself, strong shoulder, brave heart
I've seen you worse this
I've watched you come upon and turn around, sweet heart

Every small breath is one more reason to drag yourself up
Every little peppercorn on your tongue makes you sure. Now,
Every little muscle you can stretch, stretch tighter
I know we said tomorrow night but what about now

All the tiny blood vessels that bust will reseal
All the antenna along the coastline are tuned in
and all the lights in our periphery field seem real
Track Name: Forest Blues (with Pete Astor)
I said never coming back around here
The trees remind me all the time
The hornbean and the oaks
The train of steel that cuts right through
The howl of animal ghost

We said never going to frighten the deer
The wind that makes us huddle down
and foxes curled around
Sings a tune that makes us blue
the skylarks know it too

We said what if we forget
Let's keep our leashes short and tight
Make sure we're side by side
I love the sound you're making now
Let's say something pretty out loud
Track Name: Let Out The Sides
There's all kinds of pressure
and all kinds of weather
I know you've had it tough
and I know the waves are rough

Rest a little while by the shore
make an inventory of what is yours
I know your can keep a kitchen clean
But did you think the grass would stayed green

Did a little deeper, push a little harder
Let out the sides, find a little room
Try and find test the limit, don't force it till it breaks
and use all the heart that it takes

I know you feel abandoned, I know you feel marooned
I've checked the flights, I'm coming out real soon
There's nobody to call you baby
Baby I can call you baby
or anything you want
or anything you deserve
Track Name: I Can Keep a Secret (with Harvey Williams)
I know what I did was wrong
I can tell from your shelves your smarter than
You knew all along
I know what I did was wrong

I can keep a secret

I'm sure, I'm sure, I'm sure
The things that I lack, I'll make them correct
I'll turn the world to make them yours
Do you think I'm the same
don't you think I can change

I'm sure, I'm sure, I'm sure
Track Name: I Won the Girl (sung by Antony Harding)
He was short, he was mean
He was better dressed than me
He had once been an expert on T.V.

I thought I saw her eyes
sort of get distracted
but she looked back at me

I won the girl

He had hair, kind of styled
but sort of kind of unstyled
somewhere in between, you see

I left it a week
to see what would be
but the phone kept ringing for me

I won the girl

I bided my time well
I bided my time
Track Name: My Miniature Band
My minature band, my diminutive combo,
We tour the eastern bedrooms
We rock the scratched up hatch backs
My minature band, we want to make you tingle
Set fire to bonsai trees, with .9V batteries

This is how we show you
How much we are in love
a little stoke, the lightest touch
This is how we show you
when we've loved enough
We just talk and wait for luck

My minature band, will slip in your breast pocket
quicken your lazy heart beat
when it pumps a little slow
Track Name: We're Tired of Getting Dicked Around
We're tired of pedaling slow
We're tired of what we know
We're tired of feeling slow
and the tyranny of phones
We're tired of the voices
saying all you need is choice
We're tired of having to choose
We want to give up and lose

We're tired of getting dicked around

Burst open the shutters
Breath in the winter air
Make believe for a moment
Pretend that you don't care
Then dig in your nails
Make small indentations
Cling too hard
Cling too hard

We're tired of getting dicked around
Track Name: My Dream Train
My dream train, contains my dream friends, baby,
My dreams end, and then I'm next to you
My high hopes, can be put aside, you know
My dream ride, has a double seat for me and you,

That'll do, that'll do, I think we've worked hard enough
We'll take a whole week off, that'll do
My idea was to buy a ticket somewhere
Where the footpaths are properly signed
and the ordnance maps are free

We're too tired to know what to do
We're getting a little bit confused, that'll do

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